Diet no more

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Have you ever been coerced to go on a diet,

When your heart screams no, and your brain shushes it to be quiet ?

A host of ploys that you’re forced to say hello,

Atkins, vegan, detox, South Beach and keto.

 

A morning rinse with lemon water and honey,

A rude early awakening for your raucous tummy,

As you are alarmed by the soury fluid inbound,

When it could have been a warm sugary coffee that you downed.

And for a hearty breakfast as you start getting eager,

Frugality is served with a helping of oats meagre,

Or a strange nutty mixture called muesli,

Taken with milk and raved about profusely.

 

But consider yourself lucky, if you will,

Coz some days may be harder and uphill,

For you may be served a bowl of sprouts,

Whilst you’re looking for food hereabouts and thereabouts.

Those tentacled alien spherules that you are cajoled to swallow,

Invading your food pipe and swarming in your stomach hollow,

And though they may tempt you with their colors weaving,

Look out, because the looks may be deceiving,

Coz for all the health and taste they appear to fake,

They are sure to torment your belly into a writhing ache.

 

As the day gets warmer and you think you’d be cut some slack,

Oh, if you could only hope, to sneak in a little snack !

“ Snack all you want !” your diet yoda would say,

“ But only chew on an apple or sip on a green tea, okay ?”

Carbs are your enemies and veggies are your friends,

So you better throw out the junk, and begin to cleanse.

 

When you assume there is nothing worse left to fear,

“ Don’t be so sure of yourself, ” a voice whispers in your ear,

Loud and clear the instructions boom – “ No rice, no roti, no bread !”

Striking you with a thunderous lightning, as you pray furiously you were dead.

Your innards squirm with anger and unrest,

At this breaking news, as you fervently protest,

“ But what pray, will I eat ?” you cry out loud,

“ Why, proteins my dear !” says your diet, head bowed,

“ And what of sweet cravings and dessert?”

“ Fruits will come to the rescue !” comes a reply curt.

 

How, do you hope to survive this ordeal,

When all you can think about, is meal after meal ?

How would a fruit stand by for a cake ,

And green tea cure that office headache ?

Can oats fill you up like a buttered toast ?

Or the measly sprouts confidently boast,

Of filling the tummy and greed both,

And not sprouting on your insides into a mouldy growth ?

 

What do you do, when you can’t eat rice or bread ?

A terrifying thought unthinkable, filling you with dread,

How do you satiate yourself with salad ?

With gluttony and craving playing a rock ballad,

Do you drink air when you are parched with thirst ?

Then how can an appetite, with such proxies be nursed ?

So please show some heart to our belly and bowel,

And let us enjoy our beloved rajma chaawal,

For no amount of those healthy foods can substitute,

The relish of curry and carbs, and their power absolute.

 

 

* rajma chaawal is an Indian dish consisting of red kidney beans in a thick gravy served with rice.

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