Doodle – NK
How not to meditate.
“ Ok, let’s begin. Sit comfortably.”
Sure. Hari om.
“ Sit in the lotus pose.”
Wait… what ? That’s not comfortable. Do you know how hard this floor is ?
“ Keep your back straight. Don’t move.”
That’s impossible – I need to shift my bottom.
“ Are you in the moment ?”
I think so. My arse is really hurting at this moment.
“ Observe the sensations in your body…”
My nose is twitching. My bum is itching…
“ Now breathe – slow and deep.”
I think I’m about to sneeze. Aaa…. Aaa… Sorry, false alarm.
“ Don’t venture into the past.”
Of course not… I really should have bought those shoes, though.
“ Don’t think about the future.”
Hmm… What’s for dinner today ? It better not be tinday.
“ Be in the present.”
Do I smell chai ?
“ Listen to the sounds around you.”
Why is that kid next door bawling ?
“ Watch your breath go in and out.”
( Snoring )
“ Can you see the imaginary flame at your eyebrow center ?”
Not really. But I can see the imaginary chocolate.
“ Observe your body…”
Chandan sa badan…
“ Listen to your body…”
( Stomach growling )
“ Surrender yourself. Just let go.”
Oh shit, I just farted !
“ Breathe in. Breathe out.”
Are you nuts ? Don’t you smell the fart ?
“ Observe your thoughts.”
I think my bladder is full.
“ Not the past…”
I should have peed before this class.
“ Not the future…”
I wonder how long I can hold…
“ Observe the present.”
I really need to pee.
“ Don’t get carried away. Just be with the flow.”
Does he know something ?
“ Meditation is a thoughtless frame of mind…”
Right. No more thoughts. No more thoughts. Wait, isn’t that a thought ?
“ Be a passive observer.”
Inner peace. Zzzz…. Inner peace. Zzzz…
“ Be aware of this moment. Don’t sleep.”
Wha… I’m awake ! I’m awake !
“ Now watch that flame from your eyebrow center fade away.”
But I never saw the flame ! If it helps, the imaginary chocolate is gone too.
“ Open your eyes slowly. See how light you feel !”
I will, in a moment. If only I can reach the washroom in time.
“ Do you feel energized ?”
Trust me, I’m ready to run. Hari om.